Dress code in SL

The other day I was confronted with a view about SL dress code that I’ve never really experienced before. I was playing at a club where I have played before. It’s a bar and I’ve always felt a sort of relaxed and friendly feeling about it. I was tp:ing in friends and acquaintances from here and there, starting to enjoying myself when suddenly a word exchange of rather harsh nature told me that the owner of the sim had been telling a couple of guys (one of the from my friendlist) in IM:s that they couldn’t dance there in their jeans. They had to adjust to the dress code. The guys refused, not surprisingly, and suddenly the owner of the sim had ejected them.


I felt my partymood sinking down to the level of my boot ruffles and the more I thought about it, the more furious I got. Ejecting is for me something you only do when someone is obviously rude to people or griefing the sim. The situation was also that I have been inviting people from my friendslist and their friends to this sim for a couple of times and I thought in my naivety that the clubowner would be quite happy to have a few people there. We have never really crashed the sim with too many people there…


When I confronted the clubowner asking why it was so important to keep the dresscode the only answer I got was “It’s my rules”. The answer wasn’t in any way enough for me. So I declared how disappointed I was in local chat, stopped playing and left the club.


This situation held so many interesting issues about how we conduct ourselves in SL so I had to give it more thoughts. Here are some of them:


What ejection signals

I believe ejecting is a measure to use only as a very selective instrument for moments when people are rude. If they behave, you must accept that people have taken lots of effort creating avatars looking like they do for a reason!

I am sure that people with a more visual mind than me appreciate the beauty of a harmonising view at their club and I understand if you want a certain “style” of your property, but do you really want to get the reputation of being exclusive and throwing people out when they don’t fit exactly to your dream?

Isn’t it beautiful when you run a club that people of all sorts come to seek out your place? What signals will ejecting people give to the audience? And what makes dresscode so important that you can risk a party for the sake of it?

If you want to have a dresscode, then you need to advertise it very clearly when people arrive, and you have to understand that not all people come for the sake of your club. Some come from random tp:s from friends and may well miss the codes. To be told when you already are at a dancefloor that you have the wrong sort of appearance is an insult. And being patronised in local chat about refusing to change will never make it any better! Perhaps it’s better to tell your visitors that they can remember the dresscode next time please, and let go of your strong principals for the sake of people’s comfort.



Adjustment versus personal expression

I think the world, including SL, can more or less be divided in two sorts of people. People that feel more comfortable with rules about how to dress in a certain place and people that think their own way to express themselves are more important than rules and adjustment.


I belong, not surprisingly, to the second half… I have always found it difficult to adapt to rules concerning my own persona and how I should look. I don’t need to look extremely pretty, BUT, I need to feel comfortable! I am not a big user of makeup and I don’t care too much about fashion, but I want to look like ME. So yes, I avoid certain places in RL where dress codes are announced because I don’t feel welcome there and not at all comfortable. It’s my choice.


In SL however I like to try out new looks and go to places like ballrooms for the fun and laugh of it. I can easily look splendid here and I enjoy it very much. But even here I sometimes just can’t bother to be dressed up. Some people here put tremendous efforts in to looking special and magnificent. I love the diversity and creativity whenever I see it! For me it’s fantastic that I can dance with a furry, a robot and a dragon in the same dancefloor. It makes me happy! And it doesn’t spoil the image of being in a dodgy blues club, a classy bar or a ballroom floor!


Role-play and emersion

A Role-play sim on the other hand is something different for me. Here people gather that are interested in acting out a special kind of place. They want to imagine a story together set in a special setting, be it medieval or space. The dresscode is part of a bigger thing and has a special meaning. Some sims has the possibility for visitors to walk around with OOC-signs so the roleplayers can just ignore them. These are very clever arrangements that helps people not to compromise each other.

Role PLay Costume


Nudity has a certain meaning for us humans. Getting naked is something that causes emotions of some kind. I love the liberty of being able to strip off without embarrassment in SL and I do it when I feel like it. I can understand the need of having special sims where you can be nude and others where you don’t since it can embarrass people or make them feel awkward. I will not go in to detail on this, but I am happy that there are a few places where you can choose nudity or not! Enforced nudity feels like another restriction for me, but I can still understand it because of the strong emotions it evokes on some people.

blonde moments_005



I think these questions are important to address and discuss every now and then and I would of course love to hear your opinions.

What does ejection mean to you? If you got ejected from a place, how did that make you feel?

How do you feel about dress codes? Are they a help or a nuisance? Does different dress codes mean different things in different places to you too?

Much love and peace out brothers and sisters! Yours truly/Fiona


So the big question of the day is…..

What music is sexy?
I was asked to DJ at the orgy in Commune Utopia recently, so I had to give this a really good thought. How should I bring people to the boil and work them up to a lusty, frisky mood? I ran to ask my beloved of course…

Fiona: Whims! What music would you say is sexy?

Whims: Are we talking Va Va Voom sexy with a feather boa, or are we talking sexy like when you walk in the room and I nearly faint?

Fiona: Va Va Voom sexy for an orgy!

Whims: Well I’m not sure how others will see it – what about a pretty piano piece that sort of builds and then another instrument, like a Violin Cello sort of entwines around the piano and, and then you almost feel them like lovers in arms…? Thats so sexy!

Fiona: Weeeelll….*shakes her head*… its a sort of group thing Whims, ummm.. it might need a little more ommph power to get things rolling! We can’t have them hesitate! We need to let them find their root chakra and work from their pelvises!

Whims : from the pelvis.. imagines penises swinging.. so swing music…..

Fiona: *giggles vaguely amused*

Whims: Ohh! So like, all tangly and arms and legs poking out everywhere and making odd noises?

Fiona: ummm something like that, yes.

Whims: So, like if you had one of those German guys wearing knickerbockers and a funny hat, with cymbols on his knees and a big drum and playing a mouth harp… sort of Oompha! Pa! Oompha! Pa! Like that….?

Fiona: … *blinks* …


So I went to the Commune to ask a few others what they thought:

What is sexy music?

Luckily I found Yoru, the Queen of Commune orgies herself and Pross a new member of the commune that gave me some suggestions.

Pross dived in to the area very seriously and gave me this wonderfully intimate and sexy tip. After that I lost her when she moved on and gave me HUNDREDS of links, me and Whims will be occupied for years trying them out. (Oh the thought of that…)

Yoru on the other hand very kindly praised me for my music taste telling she loves my sultry style, so I decided: Enough! I’ll find this on my own!

So here is what I finally came up with after consulting my own feeling and after thinking about what music people has been commenting on when I have played:


Herbie Hancock: Watermelon man, from the album “Jazz inspiration”

Entrée (finger food):
Fatima Al Qadiri: “Desert strike” (the whole album since it’s short)

Main course:
Tracks from Parov Stelar’s album “The art of sampling”
(I choose the tracks with deep bass and that didn’t have so much “old fashion swing” about them.)
Pursuit Grooves: Fragile and Shouldn’t be here from the album “Leaping desire”

Fever Ray: When I grow up, Triangle walks, Concrete walls from the album “When I grow up” and “Fever Ray”

Cuddle liquor:
k.d.Lang: Calling all angels (duet with Jane Siberry), Hallelujah, Crying (duet with Roy Orbison) and Helpless all from the album “Recollection”

The story of the Universe

..and some language nerdifications! I love listening to different accent. In my own language I am pretty good at spotting where people come from. English is a bit more tricky! But I love to try to separate accent and see if I can spot them or learn more about them. I guess the first thing your start with is separating british english from american english. Our broadcasting in Sweden has lots to offer in both so that is not very hard to catch.

Then moving over to the lovely indian accents, the australians, the southafricans and caribbeans. Those are not that hard either. But I refuse to stop there! Next step for me was to spot irish and scotish accents in general and now when I have faint hint of it it’s time to see if I can separate also accents within England!

What has this to do with the story of the Universe, I can hear you ask. Oh but please!! The extremely cute professor Brian Cox!!! I’m just saying!! Whims, get me a glass of water or I’ll faint! Just listen to his language!! It’s beautiful! Oh and if you play the video once more you will also catch the story of the Universe brilliantly told! (I had to play it three times before I could concentrate on what he says, not only how.

A close SL friend enlightened me and said prof. Cox comes from Lanchashire. I also got this link from the same friend, showing a rougher version of the accent. Brian Cox must have polished his language whilst studying the stars, probably laying on an Oxford green grass with a beautiful 20 year old laying next to him… Sighs loud.

Adding some curiosity from my own language for your amusement:)